THE 4 BEST THINGS ABOUT GETTING OLD
Like it or not guys, you’re all gonna get old.
When you walk past old people on the street, they either smell funny, walk real slow or have that weird hunchback thing going on, which usually makes you think ‘damn, I never wanna get like that’.
Well, like it or not, guys – you’re all gonna get old. Dudes, stop reading this for a second and look directly at your penis. As time goes on, that little guy’s only gonna get smaller, more confused and less confident. Girls, look down at your titties and grab one of those puppies. Those little bags of fun are eventually gonna turn into miserable little bags of depression. DEAL WITH IT.
But its not all doom and gloom, guys! Getting old comes with it’s perks, too.
KNOWLEDGE IS POWER
You may think you know it all now, but you really have no idea. What you know now is like a pea compared to the mountain-sized cauliflower of knowledge that your brain will eventually contain. Don’t stress about it now, though, all that stuff will come with time. Just make sure you read lots of books and watch less TV. Oh And ease up on all the weed and acid and stuff.
YOU GET BETTER CREDIT
Sure, your credit just about stretches far enough to get a new I Phone or whatever, but what about the big boy gadgets like say, um, a house? Getting one of those mortgage thingys is pretty tough when all you do is hang about on Tumblr looking at Lindsay Lohan gifs.
YOU GET MORE RESPECT
Being young is great, mostly because you get to A) ‘stick it to the man’, B) be rebellious and C) have lots of sex. Awesome! But doing all that stuff means that adults won’t really take you seriously. Nobody wants to hire you because you’ve got a stupid haircut and you still haven’t mastered the art of ‘talking properly’. Oh and if you’re a guy, older girls will always diss you if you don’t have a car or still live at home with your parents. And that’s never much fun.
YOU FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OWN SKIN
Being awkward and uncomfortable is a natural part of growing up. Even the most cocksure individual has to get used to ‘being themselves’. It’s great when you see some old guy walking around in nothing but bermuda shorts and a pipe haging out the corner of his mouth in the middle of winter. Just remember that he’s not mentally unbalanced, he’s just a ‘comfy old guy’, flexing his mature chops.
NOTE: Now I read this all back, I realise this stuff only works before you get the weird hunchback and start to smell ‘old guy’ funny. When the senile dementia kicks in, you’re gonna feel horrible and worthless because nobody respects you. So let’s just call this post ‘The 4 best things about getting older, but not too old, because that’s just yucky’.
Author: pretty real
Tags: BEST THINGS