Oh hi, GPOY! Mastering the art of putting pictures of yourself up on the internet can be a difficult process.
STAY SEDUCTIVE & ANONYMOUS
The general rule when taking a seductive selfie is to keep your pretty/innocent/slutty little eyes out of shot. There’s nothing more alluring than using my brain to figure out what you really look like through my internet connection. I love it when I click on your picture and all I can see is your lips or maybe even half a boob. Or if you’re feeling particularly sassy, just a hint of your curly pubic hairs peeking out the top of your panties. Just kidding about that last one, pubic hairs – eugh, gross. Subtlety is the new naked. Oh and don’t forget to stick your tongue out.
FASHION IS FUN
Hey girl, nice shoes! Two things that always get a positive reaction are skin and shoes. It doesn’t even matter what the shoes look like. In fact, the uglier the better. People dig shoe selflies, they’re like a wearable gateway drug to full frontal nudity. First you snap your shoes, then you snap your boobs. Whoop.
STRIKE A POSE
Try to sum up your entire existence in one statement-defining pose. Think of generic phrases like ‘Rock On’, ‘Hip Hop Ya Don’t Stop’ or ‘I Love You Based God’ – then use your hands, legs, lips or eyes to smear them all over that discounted DSLR your stepdad bought you in the Boxing day sales.
BE TRUE 2 YOURSELF
Be real, don’t fake it. Frauds are always easy to spot. And there’s nothing more annoying than the sound of somebody who’s trying too hard
WORDS SOMETIMES SPEAK LOUDER THAN PICTURES
Why waste time putting your best clothes on or using your body to talk to the internet, like some moody online Dr Dolittle, when you can type out exactly how you feel. Don’t be so close minded to think that a selfie has to be an actual real life picture. GPOYs are a form of personal expression, so feel free to express yourself babes.
KEEP IT MOVIN
GIF selfles, when done correctly, show an elevated level of dedication to the art of GPOYs. It’s almost like I can touch you through the internet.
KEEP IT CLEAN
If you really have to go naked, then keep it clean. Hinting that you’re a dirty slut, beats acting like one. This isn’t porn, so intimate crotch shots are a no no. Your body is a temple, the last thing you want is some weirdo stalker trying to track you down and stick his penis inside it.
THERE ARE NO RULES
Hold on, this is just a bunch of narcissistic kids taking pictures of themselves and sharing them on the internet, right? Don’t take it too fucking seriously. Do whatever the fuck you like, the chances are that someone out there will like, reblog or retweet. As long as you like what you’re putting out there, that’s really all that matters.
Author: pretty real